I think...

I think I know what I wanna be when I grow up or rather sooner than later! I'm 37 years old and I've been trying to find myself and figure out where I go after my kids are raised and what I want to do with my life once it is my own again. Not that it will ever truly be my own, nor would I want that. My family is truly everything to me!

I want to be a farmer! I've felt this for a very long time. I've wanted a home in the country away from all the hustle and bustle of everything forever, my whole life really! I've only lived in town since my 20's I never lived in what is considered city limits really till I started staying with my grandmother and although I didn't really live out and both places I still had neighbors very close it wasn't in town. I don't want my neighbors so close anymore that they can see me roll my eyes at them ;) or vise versa :p I knew this is what I wanted when we bought this house right practically in the middle of town. Stupidity I know, but we couldn't find any place in our price range at the time that wasn't right in town. So we bought the first house that was suitable to our needs and in our price range that needed no work to be able to move in. It was only suppose to be 5-10 years and then we would move on after we fixed it up a bit and made some money on it. well it is approaching 8 years here now and we are no where near ready to move. It's very depressing it has me in almost a panic mode all the time because I just want to get all this stuff done and get on with it. I'm not getting any younger and now I have arthritis and just want out of this house with all the stairs that hurt me to walk them :/ We have recently been looking for property so that we can get started on the farm part of the dream even if the house isn't there yet. We can always build or buy a trailer and live on the property while the house is being built. Doesn't matter to me I just want out of here! but I'm trying to breath and remember to be thankful for my blessings. Right now I have a home, a garden, my health, (for the most part,) a dependable vehicle, husband has a good job, my family and their health, so the rest can hold for now...

I just want a simple life with simple pleasures and a simple garden to tend. This sounds crazy to some I know! But I'm certain it's all I want. For now;)

Laugh, Love, Live simply...

First Day Blues

Today is the first day back to school for the kids around here. It is sorta surreal for me because I am offically through with my Elementary school days with all my children. No longer will they get excited to see me at their school volunteering. Their first thought will probably be- "What did I do?" DOn't get me wrong my kids are very well behaved at school. I don't ever recall being called to the school because of their behavior. My son's inabliity to sit in his seat straight much less at all well that's another story! ;) The boy can't help it! He just can't! I hope his go go go mentality helps him later in life :)

I was fine or I thought I was till I got home, my husband is here because he recently had hernia surgery. He wanted to watch a movie and he of course chose Secretariat. I was game for a moment while I drank my nerve pill (English Toffee Cappachino) until the opening scene is where her mother dies and she comes back home for the funeral. They show flash backs to her childhood. Well that's all it took with my Dad's death still being fresh in mind, and my baby going off to Middle School. The tears came uncontrolably. So I excuse myself to get started with the laundry:0 I'm just not in the mood to have a full blown melt down today. So I switched out the laundry and here I am in my basement hiding till the movie gets happy again :) And trying to keep my mind off my babies at school! I miss them already! As crazy as they make me, I still miss them and it just makes me realize sometime in the not so distant future... they will be gone. It will just be my husband and I. I have no idea what I'm going to do when that chapter is closed. I have no plan for the next sequel! What do you do when 22 years of your life is spent raising kids? I don't really have an educatiion to fall back on. Although I would love to start a craft business from home but the question is how? I guess these are things I need to be finding out. I only have the next 7 years to figure it out:) Those will go by quickly, before I know it. It will all be over and nothing left but wait on the grandkids and hope that I raised self sufficient adults;)

Just so ya know!

Just so ya know, I'm still trucking along. I've had a few setbacks. I didn't eat any meat of course but the vegan thing isn't coming along so well. I did it for about a month and my weight started to come down and I was feeling so much better. But it is so hard for some reason. So now I just try really hard to stay away from dairy but I don't beat myself up when I do. After all it's a journey. I love my life, because I have this choice to eat what I want, not what is necessary to survive. Everyone should keep that in mind.
In other news I've been working part-time and this makes me so unorganized! I haven't kept up with most of my green living beliefs! That has to change!!!! I plan to reduce my hours this week and get myself back on track! I really think this is what people have problems with is finding the time! I have to make the time no matter how bad I feel not to take the easy way out. There is so much more I could say on this subject but I will stop for now ;)

Live, Laugh, Love... simply!