These days...

These days seem to be running together and passing by quicker than I can count. I realized today upon having to email my son's teachers about his grades that it's nearly mid September. I've been dreading it coming. I've been anticipating it's arrival for the last couple months. But life, life has a way of distracting you even if just briefly. As I sorted files today at work and thought about what the date was I felt so sad remembering that in 3 days it will be one year that my dad passed away suddenly. So much has happened in the past year that I would love to share with him! I'd love to tell him my son scored his first goal at his middle school game yesterday and then scored another just to make sure it took :) But I know he saw it. I would have loved to have seen his face though. I would love to tell him about my youngest new little business of making a selling braided and knotted bracelets, and that she is doing very well at it. I know he would smile at her ingenuity. He always thought she was something special and was going to take this world by storm. I would love to see his face smiling at her though. I would love to tell him about my oldest having to fight for her position on her high school soccer team and how she has risen to the challenge quite well, and finding herself and her strength in the process. he would smile and say he knew she could do it. But I would have loved to hear him smile at her and say it though. These next few days will be hard. I'm not looking forward to it. But I know when I come out the other end of next week a little stronger he will smile at me and say that's my girl I knew you could do it. I'd still like to hear him say it though...

I think...

I think I know what I wanna be when I grow up or rather sooner than later! I'm 37 years old and I've been trying to find myself and figure out where I go after my kids are raised and what I want to do with my life once it is my own again. Not that it will ever truly be my own, nor would I want that. My family is truly everything to me!

I want to be a farmer! I've felt this for a very long time. I've wanted a home in the country away from all the hustle and bustle of everything forever, my whole life really! I've only lived in town since my 20's I never lived in what is considered city limits really till I started staying with my grandmother and although I didn't really live out and both places I still had neighbors very close it wasn't in town. I don't want my neighbors so close anymore that they can see me roll my eyes at them ;) or vise versa :p I knew this is what I wanted when we bought this house right practically in the middle of town. Stupidity I know, but we couldn't find any place in our price range at the time that wasn't right in town. So we bought the first house that was suitable to our needs and in our price range that needed no work to be able to move in. It was only suppose to be 5-10 years and then we would move on after we fixed it up a bit and made some money on it. well it is approaching 8 years here now and we are no where near ready to move. It's very depressing it has me in almost a panic mode all the time because I just want to get all this stuff done and get on with it. I'm not getting any younger and now I have arthritis and just want out of this house with all the stairs that hurt me to walk them :/ We have recently been looking for property so that we can get started on the farm part of the dream even if the house isn't there yet. We can always build or buy a trailer and live on the property while the house is being built. Doesn't matter to me I just want out of here! but I'm trying to breath and remember to be thankful for my blessings. Right now I have a home, a garden, my health, (for the most part,) a dependable vehicle, husband has a good job, my family and their health, so the rest can hold for now...

I just want a simple life with simple pleasures and a simple garden to tend. This sounds crazy to some I know! But I'm certain it's all I want. For now;)

Laugh, Love, Live simply...

First Day Blues

Today is the first day back to school for the kids around here. It is sorta surreal for me because I am offically through with my Elementary school days with all my children. No longer will they get excited to see me at their school volunteering. Their first thought will probably be- "What did I do?" DOn't get me wrong my kids are very well behaved at school. I don't ever recall being called to the school because of their behavior. My son's inabliity to sit in his seat straight much less at all well that's another story! ;) The boy can't help it! He just can't! I hope his go go go mentality helps him later in life :)

I was fine or I thought I was till I got home, my husband is here because he recently had hernia surgery. He wanted to watch a movie and he of course chose Secretariat. I was game for a moment while I drank my nerve pill (English Toffee Cappachino) until the opening scene is where her mother dies and she comes back home for the funeral. They show flash backs to her childhood. Well that's all it took with my Dad's death still being fresh in mind, and my baby going off to Middle School. The tears came uncontrolably. So I excuse myself to get started with the laundry:0 I'm just not in the mood to have a full blown melt down today. So I switched out the laundry and here I am in my basement hiding till the movie gets happy again :) And trying to keep my mind off my babies at school! I miss them already! As crazy as they make me, I still miss them and it just makes me realize sometime in the not so distant future... they will be gone. It will just be my husband and I. I have no idea what I'm going to do when that chapter is closed. I have no plan for the next sequel! What do you do when 22 years of your life is spent raising kids? I don't really have an educatiion to fall back on. Although I would love to start a craft business from home but the question is how? I guess these are things I need to be finding out. I only have the next 7 years to figure it out:) Those will go by quickly, before I know it. It will all be over and nothing left but wait on the grandkids and hope that I raised self sufficient adults;)

Just so ya know!

Just so ya know, I'm still trucking along. I've had a few setbacks. I didn't eat any meat of course but the vegan thing isn't coming along so well. I did it for about a month and my weight started to come down and I was feeling so much better. But it is so hard for some reason. So now I just try really hard to stay away from dairy but I don't beat myself up when I do. After all it's a journey. I love my life, because I have this choice to eat what I want, not what is necessary to survive. Everyone should keep that in mind.
In other news I've been working part-time and this makes me so unorganized! I haven't kept up with most of my green living beliefs! That has to change!!!! I plan to reduce my hours this week and get myself back on track! I really think this is what people have problems with is finding the time! I have to make the time no matter how bad I feel not to take the easy way out. There is so much more I could say on this subject but I will stop for now ;)

Live, Laugh, Love... simply!

:)

Today is my birthday. I think that's safe information to give out since you don't know my name :) I'm taking it easy at home. I plan to do a little gardening and get some laundry caught up. This new part-time job is taking up alot more time than I had orignially intended. Which sucks! Sorry but it does. I want and need to be here at least a couple days a week to get things caught up and that just isn't happening lately. I think things will calm down come summer time. WHen the kids don't have so many sports commitments and no school. I definately am going down to at least 3 days a week then. My kids won't be home too much longer and I want to enjoy their bratty little selves while they are. It's nice to have a choice in the matter. I know alot of mothers don't.

We are buying the kids a pool this year. We found one for less than what a pool pass cost. It's a nice size, and with the money I'll be saving on snacks and special foods for transporting to the pool, and not to mention the gas money, it will pay for the extra water and pool chemicals needed!

Took a brisk (for me) walk this morning. Wasn't my choice though. I lost my keys and had to walk my youngest to school. It was a nice walk though. Ended up being about a mile. I did very well if I do say so. It made me feel good too. So that is definately something I need to continue on a everyday basis not just once in awhile when I remember, or find the time. I need to make the time!

Not doing to well with the pop drinking. I kinda got back in a rut with it. Curses the Kroger sale on 2 liters!!!! But I'm making sure to drink water too. Small steps, that's what this whole things about! Small steps that make up the huge mountain. I will get there! slowly but I'll get there!

I'm seriously thinking of doing raw vegan(mostly) to kick off some weight loss. I intially lost about 10 pounds and feel better, but I want to feel great! I think to do that I would love to loose another 60-70lbs. To be perfectly honest with you I need to loose at least 100 lbs. but if I can get off that major part I will be happy. I'm not real sure I'll ever be back in a bikini or anything. And I'm not real sure that I ever care to be. I just want to be comfortable and feel at home in my skin :)

I would also like to get my financial house in order, so I can better prepare for my childrens futures! So that is something I'm throwing myself into full swing. We'd like to move one more time and have a nice yard away from all the hussle and bussle of city and or town people! With a nice large garden. I love to garden and this has been my dream for quite some time! I'd also like to meet Robert Pattinson but I figure a small mini farm is more of a manageable dream! (That man's smile just melts me) as does my husbands ;)
I think that's what attracted me to him to begin with. Anyhoo while we are the subject of my wonderful husband who doesn't mind my Robert fascination, so long as I keep it in prospective ;) Last night he stood outside in the dark and weeded and got my raised bed outback ready to plant. So I will be doing that today on my birthday! I love that man of mine! He and I are going to be going on a second honeymoon of sorts. Seeing as though we never got to go on a first one I guess technically it's our first one. Anyway we've never in the last 15 years of marriage ever gone away together and never been more than a day away from the kids and very rarely have they ever all went somewhere on the same night. So it is going to feel wierd! I know I will miss them terribly! But it's just 4 days so hopefully all goes well. I can't wait, I'm very excited for it to get here! Crazy huh?

Well I guess I should get outside and get planting! Thank you hunny, it's all I really wanted for my birthday:)

Live, Love, & Laugh simply...

Drum roll please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I took my blood pressure today and even though I was dead on my feet tired, it was down! 121/72 which is sooooo much better than 140something over 90 something!!! I've noticed for the most part my complexion is looking sooo much better tighter even. My clothes are fitting better! I recover from the stiffness in my legs quicker upon standing. There are so many more improovements I could go on and on about but I will keep it simple and tell you this rocks! I didn't get that walk in yesterday with everything I had to do today but my youngest has soccer practice tonight so that would be the perfect opportunity to get a small walk in. I'm actually looking forward to it! I may try to go around the block here in a few just to get my muscles warm this morning! Life is looking so much more promising now! :) Hope your journey is going as well! If not just hang in there it will! I still have my bad days and wish I could crawl back in bed but those aren't everyday anymore!

Live, Love, Laugh
simply...

well...

Well, the meat cravings have passed. I messed up and had cheese and sour cream on a taco salad last night. And the fact that I ate it at 10:30 pm doesn't help a whole lot either. But it's a journey right? It's going to take time to break 36 years of bad habits and what I always thought to be normal! I feel tons better now so that's really encouraging. I believe I will actually try to start exercising this week. THis I am taking very slow, I should have been doing a little more than occasional yoga posses and stretches this whole time but I didn't want to get into that until I knew for sure I was stronger. I have my off days for sure, so I will have to work around that but like I said I will figure this out. I am not going to be some middle age person with a cane, overweight barely able to carry myself around on a zillion meds that really won't help! I've made this commitment to myself and my family and I plan to see it through.

I'm not being met with alot of resistance yet. Because I do have my oldest daughter to convide in my struggles. She sometimes is one of those wholier than though vegetarians though and it gets frustrating trying to councel her not to act that way it's very off putting and we are all only human! She's very cut and dry about most things so it kinda comes off in a way that isn't always constructive. She's improoving though. I just wish she could meet someone who isn't a whacked out free love hippy to share her experiences with. She really doesn't have anyone in a similar situation but me. She is 3 years into this and newly vegan so it's pretty much old hat for her. She of course is learning all the new stuff vegan associated. But other than that she's adjusted very well. She's not shunned for her decisions by her peers but they aren't exactly supportive either. I have confidence she is strong enought to survive. She is after all my daughter :)

One thing I'm horrible about is drinking enough water. This and the fact that I don't exercise enough could be why I'm not miraculously loosing weight like crazy! I am trying to be concience about it and make myself drink some water, but I know it's not nearly enough. Another struggle I seen to be having is getting enough fruits in. I love strawberries and pretty much all fruits but it just wasn't something I ate before so training myself to reach for the apple instead of the granola bar is a little harder than I thought. If i don't have something easy to eat I tend to not eat. Which isn't good I know. Ive been eating at least a orange or banana a day and almost everyday for a week I've started my day with a strawberry smoothie with some spinache it's a easy way to incorporate some greens and a bit of protein while I still get a couple fruit servings in too.

Like I said this is a journey. I didn't become unhealthy over night and I can't cure it or break my habits over night either. One baby step at a time. It's what working for me. Well time to get up off my lazy butt and do something constructive.

Live, Laugh, Love, simply...

Not sure why!

I'm not real sure why but after three months of no meat I'm finding myself craving it! The whole month of January I had nothing, Febuary I tried chicken three times and in March nothing again it just doesnt appeal to me. Now it taste gross and I know if I ate some I couldn't finish it and would be grossed out! As I sat here the other night a McDonalda commercial came on for a big mac. I was very disturbed that it looked good because I've not even eaten at McDonalda for years! I quit after seeing supersize me. But Anyhoo I found it odd! I personally think it was that I grew up on big macs, they were my chosen treat when on the rare occasion we were treated to a meal out. So even long after I quit eating there I would crave one. So I guess it's just getting that time... I will try a veggie burger made up like one! I'm not a fan of the fake meat either! I really font see the point in giving up something just to replace it with something that looks just like it! Just my opinion...

Update

Not that anyone reads this but I wanted to update on my "journey"! That is what I am coming to refer to it as. But first I wanted to say Hi to Kelly! Good Luck in your journey and I hope the best of luck for you as you start finding your way.

Well it's been since January 2, that I have been trying to be more health conscience, and learning how to be better. I'm very happy to report that I am feeling great! I have my days granted and the depression still hits sometimes but these days are fewer and farther between now. I have had more good days than bad lately. I for example jogged to the top of my steps coming from the basement twice this week and did it without collapsing at the top out of breath and in severe pain. Yeah me! I haven't been able to implement as much exercise as I would have liked to by now, but I'm moving more and trying to fit in simple exercises where the opportunity strikes. I have about 2 1/2 weeks before my new temp job starts so that would be a great time to get my house in order and start walking again. I didn't want to push the walking for exercise thing to soon and not be able to do it. But I think I'm ready to just take it slowly. Yoga is something else I would like to try to carve out sometime for me to do in the near future as well! When I do it I feel so good and energized. I might just do it today :) I think I will!

On the pop drinking front, I have not completely beaten that demon yet. I sometimes might have a couple glasses at home of Coke Zero but mostly I'm drinking flavored water, tea, and occasionally a regular pop. I really need to kick this habit to the curb! It is really not doing anything for me nutrionally speaking, and in fact I've begun to notice when I drink more pop I have more trouble with my knees. So that needs to go too. But all in due time. In the past I've went cold turkey everything and I always fizzle out. I want this to be a lasting journey so I am taking it slow. Ommitting what doesn't agree with my system and keeping what doesn't seem to cause too much distress.

My daughter and I are starting into a vegan phase now. She's a little more hard core than I. I do not plan to completely cut out all cheese, and honey unless I can find a suitable replacement for it but I have cut the rest. I'm not currantly eating eggs, but I've found a free range farmer that raises chickens for eggs soley so I think that is a suitable replacement of store bought factory farm maddness. :) I still will only use those in baking when it's called for. These things may not be for everyone but it is working for me. I feel so much better. I've not lost much weight yet but I'm sure that will come when I find my bearings with all this and start exercising more. I hope to be a better blogger and post a little more often. WHo knows maybe I'll get a reader.;)

Live, Love, Laugh simply...

1 year for my health!

I decided this year I would take 2011 for my health. To finally get healthy and if along the way I loose this 150 pounds extra I'm carrying around then great! January I decided to go off meat. I did allow myself chicken on three occasions in Febuary but January was completely meat free. I decided to take Febuary to get used to this new way of life a little better, and to wean myself down off all the soda pop. March I will be concentrating on adding some exercise and drinking lots of water as well as cutting my carbs down considerabley.

I'm hoping that by April I will be ready to go completely no sugar (with the exceptions of my little girls bday party and easter), no grains, & no dairy. Before you go nuts I am only doing this for that month. I am trying to slowly cleanse my system of all the impurities I have put in it for my 36 years of life.

It is my hope that by next January I will find the me hidden in here somewhere! Maybe it's a midlife crisis, I'm not sure but I do know I'm sick of being sick! I'm sick of being a bad influence in my two girls lives not to mention my son who doesn't currently have any weight issues but I didn't at his age either. I have a lot of demons to face on this journey and I hope to be victorious in the end.

My mothers negative attitude is one such demon I'm currently conquering! I don't want my mother out of my life, just her negativity! My daughter is also a vegetarian but in her journey to that place she has gained alot of weight eating too many carbs. We are hoping to reverse all that as well. WIsh us luck!

I am in no way a health professional so do not take anything I say in this blog as a professional opinion of anything! I am just one women on a quest for health and happiness. You can join me but your journey could be much different than mine.

Live, Love, Laugh, simply...

Downshifting

Down shifting this year in 2011? I am. I think its time my family and I start living up to what we preach a little more! There are so many things I want to do in life still yet and I can't seem to get started on them. I think it's mainly because I've always had the all or nothing mindset and want to tackle it all now. I'm trying to stop that! Right now we are where we are and I need to realize I don't need a home in the country to start. I can do it right now in the Cottage in the city. I can...

-buy used
-cook from scratch
-try to get more sleep
-read more
-no fast food (my family in particular has gotten so used to this lately)
-learn to knit. I already can sew some, and crochet some. Need to master those!
-love my family unconditionally
-grow vegetabe and fruits. I have two gardens, one at my grannies and a small raised bed here. We have a blueberry bush but it didn't produce last year. I'd like a blackberry bush and grape vine. and to finally be able to grow strawberries(no luck in the past)
-teach my children a simple way of life doesn't always mean boring.
-seriously consider homeschooling to acheive above goal.
-make my family the top priority, which they have always been!
-grow some herbs
-buy recycled products and recycle as much as I possibly can.
-learn a new craft, ie; photography, wood working, knitting, and etc.
-begin composting
-learn to can foods:)
-visit the sick and elderly friends and family I never seem to find the time to do now:(
-learn to love myself for who I am :) because who I am is awesome!
-loose the excess weight by walking and eventually jogging in my neighborhood.
-use natural cleaners
-don't buy disposable
-take my own grocery bads to the store
-shop at farmers markets for the things I cannot grow
-learn to live instead of watching someone else's life while mine speeds by
-blog more about my journey ;)
-find good recipes for all natural shampoo, and conditioner, and soap
-reduce the make-up I use, not sure that is possible I don't use alot to begin with:)
-be more conscienous about where my products are made who is making them and what conditions are they made under.
-be a part of the solution and not the problem in other words.



This list is getting very long and overwhelming so I'm going to start with the first one and go from there. I want to be the change I want to see, and it's starting with me right now!